This summer wasn’t about responsibility or restraint. This summer had one purpose, to have as much fun as humanly possible. I’d say I achieved that in epic proportions. My summer was bookmarked with my first trip to Vegas around the May long weekend and the wedding of a good friend on the September long weekend. As much fun as I had squirrelling and becoming a serious tequila connoisseur, I find myself effortlessly moving into a place of contraction and reflection.
The transition between seasons are some of my favourite times of the year. This plunge into fall is a natural development after the zenith of the summer months. All the energy that was being used to be social and outwards is finding its way back inside, for rest and rejuvenation. As this changeover happens I find myself reflecting on the past few months. What was healthy and is useful to carry forward? What was not of use and can be let go of?
Spending time bonding with friends and laughing my butt off, useful. Being outside as much as possible watching my dog learn how to swim, useful. Reconnecting with friends and family from the past, useful. But the lesson I think I got the most out of was letting go of time.
I have these girlfriends and for some reason whenever we get together, the concept of time seems to melt away. It’s strange and took me a few deep breathes to ease into. I’m so used to having a schedule and having something to do that to let go of the need to know what was happening in the future stretched me. Teachings come when and how they are meant to come.
Letting go of the need to know and control the future allowed me to dive deeper into the exploration of my wild nature.
I love this word.
I feel it in my blood when I say it. It runs through me, effortlessly. I gave my wild soul the opportunity to come out and play. I got to feel her, I got to touch her and I realized that I’ve been missing her. I’ve tucked her away, predominately letting her out when it seemed acceptable – which, let’s face it, isn’t really wild. I realized I would access her through alcohol – again, not really an embodied or authentic way to access her. I would feel her at work, in my work. I’m fortunate that I have a career that allows me to delve into the unconscious, unseen mystery of life. There are NO mistakes. But for the most part, she was like a dirty little secret I held onto and only let out when it felt safe.
Becoming conscious of this division by spending more time in my essence with other wild women, I see that it’s time to bring her into full embodiment in the manifest world. What does this mean I need to let go of?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I spent the whole summer drunk. No way. My body would be destroyed and there’s no way I would have been able to function in my life. But there were many nights of excess. And that’s ok. I’ve always pushed limits and boundaries, in all areas of my life. My motto as a teenager growing up in Northern Saskatchewan was ‘Go Hard or Go Home’ and this was just how it showed up this summer.
Alcohol, friends and letting go of time were the portals into my wild nature. What a gift. And now, as the seasons change, as we enter fall, it’s time to let go of the access point to her through alcohol. This isn’t a declaration that I’m never drinking again, far from it, it’s a commitment to changing my relationship with it. It’s a commitment to being courageous enough to be wild no matter the circumstance. For now this means taking time to pause from the habituation of reaching for something outside of myself to feel her.
I have NO idea how this looks but how perfect is that. Wild is unknown, it’s unpredictable, it’s untameable, it’s complex, it’s mysterious. It’s beautiful.
Be Wild. Be Free.